COMMON LIES I HEAR ABOUT “MEN AND SEX”

Men and sex

LIE #1: MEN CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT SEX!

“If I no do, I go just die!” Not true. You won’t. That’s an exaggeration. Sex is not critical for survival, neither are the sex organs vital for life! Among the about 10 systems of the body–like, respiratory system, nervous system, digestive system, and so on–only the reproductive system (and the sex organs) is not very much needed for one to stay alive and live well. You can do without it! You could go into the theatre, have your sex organs removed, and walk out…smiling! We have priests, celibates, monks, and ascetics. We hear about castration of eunuchs. Yet, all these people are alive and well, without regular sex. In fact, many married men, weigh down by work pressures and family problems go for, sometimes, months “without”. Except for some few cases of “sex addiction” and dependence, men, generally, can live without sex! Period!

LIE #2: LACK OF SEX CAUSES HEALTH PROBLEMS IN MEN!

“Conji wan kii me!” Not true. This is one of the statements men use to have their way! The so-called “accumulation” or “congestion” of sperm and semen causing sickness is a big lie! There’s nothing like that. The body knows how to naturally get rid of excesses. “Wet dreams” are thought to be one of such God-given mechanisms. Long periods of abstinence doesn’t cause any serious health problem. We know that there are health benefits of intercourse, however lack of it doesn’t cause any sickness, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, low performance, or infertility. “Blue balls”– that slight pressure and pain men feel in lower abdomen and testes when they have unrelieved sexual feelings–are not life-threatening, and they are only temporary. Engagement in other activities and vigorous exercises will remove such dull pains and make you feel better, emotionally.

LIE #3: MEN SEE SEX THE SAME WAY WOMEN DO

No, they don’t. Men’s view of sex vary drastically from women’s. The way the brain of each gender process the sexual experience is completely different. For most females, all they have (and are) is brought in and involved in the intercourse, while for a guy, his heart and commitment might be somewhere else–for him, only little part of who he is and have is involved. So, a lady might consider it a critical life experience while the guy is merely easing stress. It’s a heavy decision for the woman, but, typically, a less serious one for a man. That’s why cheating in committed relationship is more of a male issue than a female’s. A girl might be doing it to build intimacy and strengthen commitment, while the boy is just catching fun and obeying nature’s call! Very important to note, however, is that these are not absolute statements–you could see the exact opposites of all I just said!

LIE #4: MEN LOVE SEX MORE THAN WOMEN

Hmmmm…really? This shouldn’t be an absolute statement. It’s true that, generally, on an average, men tend to have higher libido and sex drive than women. However, if you look more closely, it will become obvious that one major reason is that men are easily sexually stimulated and excited. While a visual experience will turn a man on and get him in the mood, the average lady would require more than seeing something sexually appealing in order for her to want sex. She might need to feel secured, respected, cared for, provided for, supported for, and so on, before the idea of sex will even cross her mind. And even at that, you might still have to go through the ritual of extended foreplay before she might fully get in the mood. So, you see, the simplicity of men getting aroused and wanting sex makes it look like it’s more of their thing than the women’s; but it might simply be that it is the relatively complex process involved in getting a woman interested that makes it look like the men love it more. #mytheoryanyways

Do you know of other over-generalisations people make about “men and sex”?

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Dr. 'Malik Haruna King is a practicing Nigerian Medical Doctor and Sex Therapist. He helps people with sensitive health issues find answers to questions they are too ashamed to ask!